id be glad to
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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