Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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