I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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