ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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