I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
