And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
