I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
