so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
