i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
