I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
