your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
