I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
