I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
