I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
