Pappa wants mamma naked
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
