U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
