I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
