I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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