so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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