I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
