i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone came in the potted fern
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
