Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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