Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
