8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
