He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
