I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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