My liver just broke up with me...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like eating out sand paper
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
