Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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