hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
