are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
