My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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