non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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