I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
