i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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