He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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