He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
