Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
