Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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