Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
