I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
