happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
