I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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