atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
