The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
