I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
