my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
