i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
