oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's blow job season.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
