mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
