My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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