So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
