I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
