it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
