The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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